Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
