I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
