True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize