The best revenge is premature balding
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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