How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
