Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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