i think my tv is drunk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
