guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
