Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
