Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
time to smoke my breakfast
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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