i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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