I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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