SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
