How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
