Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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