Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
