i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
