It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
