There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My vagina is officially offended.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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