My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
