You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
