I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize