Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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