Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
