I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
