Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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