Taylor Swift is so right about you.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
