i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
