Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
