Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
