FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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