ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize