He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize