My balls are so social today.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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