he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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