Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
