1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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