When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
