Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
