I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
