I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
