Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
