i was born a porn star she said
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
