I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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