DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize