I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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