You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
