just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
When are your genitals available?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
