i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize