i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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