Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
