The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
