I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
