Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
