fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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