if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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