Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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