it was like his penis was on wheels.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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