I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
