cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
