At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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