So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
