Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
