whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
